Bachelorette – Next Round Of Dates

This week brought us the next installment of “Dude Bro Drama”, I mean the Bachelorette…

You know what comes next…Spoiler Alert!

Okay, we start off with Chris Harrison using his favorite word, “Dramatic.” Then join the guys back at the house where we left off last week waiting for the rose ceremony. Kupah has just been sent packing and is out front getting more and more agitated with the crew, and is pretty much yelling.

Kaitlyn goes out to confront him and again, and we see Kupah change this tone. He becomes very calm and tells her that he didn’t come on the show to go home. He says, “I won’t yell anymore.” and Kaitlyn goes back into the house. He then starts to speak in a very immature and mocking tone, “We’re gonna whisper now.” He also says that he doesn’t like her. That’s a quick turn around…moments ago she was “sexy” and “hot”. Whatever, he’s gone now.

We finally get to the rose ceremony!

The roses start getting handed out and we flash back and forth to Tony’s one on one with the camera talking about how the following things behind, “My job, my dog, my bonsai tree.” he also talks about how he “sees through the eyes of a child.” I just don’t think Tony is right for this setting…

Jared, Ben H, Shawn, Jonathan, Tanner, Chris, Ryan, Justin, Ian, Joshua, Joe, Corey, … and Tony. All get roses and will continue vying for Kaitlyn’s heart.

She is seen a little emotional after the ceremony questioning why it is hard already. Because it’s the Bachelorette. That’s why.

When we come back from the commercial, morning has arrived on the mansion and two sumo wrestlers arrive on bikes. They sneak into the guys room and start yelling and banging a gong. I’m pretty sure I would start throwing punches if someone woke me up that way.

JJ starts talking about how he loves Japanese culture, but can only name sushi; and I wish he would just stop talking.

Chris, Clint, Tony, Shawn, JJ, and Joe will be participating in this group date. (Oooh Tony…)

They are going to learn how to Sumo, because we learned nothing from the boxing date. Kaitlyn says, “Have a good time, I don’t want any drama.” *Facepalm*

The men participating in the group date join the rest of the house out front, in their “thong diapers” as they all call them, and it’s…slightly frightening. So much man butt, so much. The screen is basically a big blur.

On top of it, Joe’s left nut is joining the party. He just goes a long with it though.

The men are going to attempt to wrestle with Yama, who weighs 600lbs. “They are going to be picked up by their diapers, and bitch slapped to the ground.” Yep, yep they are.

It’s Tony’s turn and he tries hard, but loses. He doesn’t like this, and storms off. He doesn’t like the aggression and is “peaceful and loving.” Kaitlyn tries to talk to him and I just don’t think I can have a serious talk with a man in a diaper. JJ, of course, tries to butt in and Tony tells him to, “F*ck off.”

Kaitlyn tells him that he doesn’t have to participate if he doesn’t want too. Ian is trying to calm him down. Tony feels that he has a lot to offer, and I truly believe him. I just don’t think he’s right for this kind of setting.

The rest of the men will be participating in a Sumo Exhibition. In front of a crowd, because we know now that we learned nothing from the boxing date. They arrive on bikes and the crowd looks offended at their diapers. My husband quickly pipes up, “I hope Joe put his balls away.” Me too, me too. (Did they get a permit that allowed this much ass to be shown in public?)

The guys battle off and it goes a bit better than the boxing match. Clint is a bit aggressive and is later seen taking a selfie with a group of girls having them say, “Clint is a nightmare!” (Uhh…yeah.)

Back at the house Tony is wondering why they can’t just go to the zoo and mimic animal sounds. (My friend Lance, does an awesome goat noise.) He starts to pack his bag, saying that he can’t do this anymore, but he is no quitter. He finds Kaitlyn and tells her that he “can’t participate in this circus anymore.” Thanks her for her time, hugs her and says good-bye. I bet he’s looking forward to seeing his bonsai tree.

Back at the little cocktail party post-diaper fling, JJ comments on her tight pants. (JJ, I told you to stop talking.) Clint says that he is going to sit back and let her come to him. “Hopefully it’s a priority to talk to me.” Ugh…he can stop talking too.)

After some awkward silence, Shawn finally asks her for some talk time, where they kiss. Clint is getting frustrated because she went back to get the rose and didn’t talk to him. Moron. Shawn gets the group date rose.

Kaitlyn calls Clint out on it and he says (to the camera) that maybe she isn’t the right girl for him, but that he likes some of the guys he is getting to know in the house. Mainly JJ, “He is a sweetheart and a good dude.” Clearly he is seeing something we don’t; or maybe this is just a “birds of a feather” thing. (I’m probably right.)

The next morning we see a date card arrive to Kaitlyn and Ben Z at the house, it says, “Be prepared for anything.” and is from Chris Harrison. A limo then takes them to a questionable area and they enter a room where Chris is standing with dead animals around him. Geez, go dark on us Bachelorette. A sign says “The Basement – A Live Escape Room Experiment”. (I’ll be avoiding this place, thanks.) They have to go into a dark, super creepy room and find clues to escape. Nope nope nope nope.

Limbs hang from the ceiling, blood..and someone is in the bed. (Insert scream.) They go through and start finding clues and things they ae supposed to do, they had to kiss in the room, so romantic. Ben got freaked out at the big snakes in one room. They find their way out, and Chris Harrison, you are rude.

They go back to her house and she says that “The pizza is ordered.” Chances we’ll see it? Zero, but they of course have wine. Ben tries to say that he isn’t afraid of snakes. We all saw Ben, it’s okay, just admit it. He then shares his story about his mom passing away when he was young. I like that Ben opens up the way he does, he seems like a genuinely good person.

We see the pizza, but it is untouched. They are (shocker) in the hot tub drinking champagne. Ben gets the rose, and some smoochie-smoochie.

Group Date Card! Jonathan, Ben H, Joshua, Ryan, Jared and Tanner “Let’s learn to love.”

The guys will be teaching Sex Ed. to kids (whom we thankfully find out are child actors). I’m not sure if this is a better or worse decision than boxing? (Side thought, Jared, can we stop trying with the beard?)

The guys all have “lesson plans” to go over and teach to the class. Joshua is going through is box and Kaitlyn joins him, he pulls out a “feminine product” and calls it a “Tampn”. I laughed so hard I had to pause the show. This poor guy, he learned his sex ed from the cows. He then calls the string a “rip cord”. Joshua is amazing.

During his turn with the class he tells them that girls will have the lining of their uterus “shed…and die.” Ooh Joshua…so close. He then pulls the “tampn” out and refers to it as a torpedo. Wow.

Ben H totally wins this date by explaining “where babies come from”. He uses the right words, and says that there is an emotional, and physical connection. Uses Katilyn as the female example and the rest of the group seems impressed.

I think they are all happy when it is over. Ben H gets time with her and dips her in a kiss. Jared also gets time with her, they slow dance and kiss. Ben H gets the date rose, and Jared looks a little put off, but feels he doesn’t need the rose to validate their connection.

Back at the house, romance is blooming between Clint and JJ. They are talking about time they spend together and we actually see them eating. They both think they are too smart to be on the date (okay, we’ll let you think that), and they are practically cuddling on the couch. Pretty sure there was a comment about them in the shower. They sit in the hot tub and talk about turtles, and the shake hands. Later, Clint serenades JJ and they gaze into each others eyes. Clint does a one on one and says that he has fallen in love with JJ, and that he “is a success story.”

Finally, cocktail party time. Clint is saying that he just wants a rose for more time with JJ. He and Kaitlyn talk about why he was distant during the date, and he tries to say that he was insecure. He tells the camera that he was wearing his “power socks” really just needs a rose. We then see him telling JJ that he has a beautiful jawline. JJ responds that he was going to “make a derogatory remark and unzip his pants.” Clint says that isn’t going to happen…on camera. And again says he loves JJ.

Justin takes his chance and kisses Kaitlyn. Clint and JJ think they are good guys, but call themselves villans. (I don’t think they understand themselves.) Thankfully, some (basically all) of the other men start to give Kaitlyn a heads up about they, or at least Clint.

Clint was feeling really confident about getting a rose..then Kaitlyn pulls him aside. We see them walking away and we hear her one on one with the camera saying he is one of the biggest douche’s in Bachelorette history and is going to go down in flames.

Best of all though, Jared shaved his beard!

We’ll find out next week what happens at the end of the cocktail party. Will JJ and Clint have a lovers quarrel? Will Clint go home? I hope so!

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