Last Monday I settled down to see what more fun the first night of date cards would bring to this season of The Bachelorette.
As always…spoiler alert!
The show opened up to Kaitlyn talking about how she was so happy to be “Waking up this morning as the Bachelorette.”
We hear her talking about this as she is getting out of bed in full make-up with nice hair. Yes gentlemen, we all wake up like this!
The guys all pile into the house and we get our token yell from the balcony, “HELLO KAITLYN!”
They split away from the house to check in on Britt, who is calling her Mom at the hotel, when Brady shows up. (Yes, I’ll come back to this as well…)
The first date card arrived and it’s a group date: Daniel, Justin, Jared, Corey, Tanner, Kupah, Ben H, and Ben Z. “I see this ending with a ring.”
They arrive, and oh good, they’re boxing today. (Does anyone else see this ending poorly?)
Lalia Ali is there to give the guys some tips and pointers, and she’s awesome. And pretty. And awesome.
The guys spar around with each other, have a good time, and then there’s Kupah. He is into to, and kind of forgets that Kaitlyn is there.
Ben Z & Kupah are doing high-five push-ups. #Bros
The guys find out that they are actually going to box each other. In a ring. In front of people.
(Again, does anyone else think this will end poorly? Because we all know how much men enjoy losing…in front of people, and oh yeah, on national television.)
Kaitlyn tells them not to hurt each other. (Maybe she’s questioning this choice?)
Ben Z vs Daniel – Ben Z wins
Corey vs Justin – Corey wins
Ben H vs Jared – Jared wins
Kupah vs Tanner – Kupah wins (I mean, he did practice the most.)
Ben Z vs Corey – Ben Z wins
Jared vs Kupah – Jared wins (What?! Nice job Jared!)
Ben Z vs Jared
Both boys came out swinging, but Ben Z lands a good swing…and down goes Jared.
Kaitlyn gets really worried and says, “I didn’t want anyone to get hurt!”
Then don’t do boxing? (Just a thought.)
Jared goes to the hospital.
The rest of the group moves on to the cocktail part of the evening, where she moves on through some one on one conversations with the guys.
Ben Z shares that he lost his mom at 14. Another shares that he has a son. During her chat with the Fashion Designer, Daniel, she receives a note.
“Come down stairs right now. I need to see you.”
Jared is back, and is okay, so they kiss.
Back at the house another date card has arrived. Clint, who drew a picture of Chris Harrison riding a Triceratops*, will be going on the first one-on-one date.
(*I’m going to want a copy of this picture, Clint.)
The card says something about “taking her breath away”. Joshua says something about if it’s an underwater activity, “that’s drowning.” And I about fell off my couch laughing.
JJ is also starting to act quite a bit cocky.
Back at the group day, Ben Z receives the rose, and some lip wrestling.
The next day, Clint and Kaitlyn arrive at their date and will be doing an underwater photo shoot. (Did anyone else notice Clint rub the photographers back as they were heading to change? Yeah, I did.)
Back at the house Tony (the Healer) is going on about how he thinks the boxing date was a joke, and that “love is as perineal as the grass.”
Kaitlyn and Clint’s photo shoot starts off a bit awkward at first, understandable, it’s a first date. So they kiss, and get more comfortable. Alright. (I must say though, the pictures are looking really creative.)
At the mansion, the next date card arrives. Tony is talking about wanting to see if he and Kaitlyn can “co-exist”. The card: JJ, Jonathan, Joshua, Chris, Ian, Joe, and Tony, “A man who will stand up for me.”
JJ wants these guys to go home, and starts playing dirty. I don’t like JJ anymore. Jerk.
Tony seems to be in need of a little pep talk before he embarks on this date. He wonders if she is supportive, then calls her Britt…not Kaitlyn.
Clint seems very sweet and kind during the dinner portion of their date. (I’m pretty sure this is the only time we see them eat on this show.) he gets the rose, and the smooch again.
The next day the group arrives at an Improv Comedy to have Amy Schumer waiting with Kaitlyn. They are doing stand up comedy, yes, this is already better than boxing.
Amy asks them to tell some jokes, and JJ’s is so bad I won’t repeat it. He is seen later saying that his pickup line is, “Divorced, with a kid, living with his parents.” He also thinks he is smarter than 90% of the audience.
Just. No. Thankfully Amy tells him this, and calls him a turd. (Yay Amy!)
Time for the stand up to begin!
Ian makes a Juan Pablo joke. Eesokay.
Chris says that he is so nervous, and unbuttons his shirt.
Tony just goes on…and on…about how he feels thankful to be on stage, and thankful to be enjoying the lighter side of his life. Then leaves the stage. Not kidding. (And that was the “cliff notes” version.)
JJ makes fun of Tony. Of course. Turd.
They are finally done and moving on from that, thankfully it went pretty well.
Joshua talks about how he has never been in love, then talks about his English Bulldog farting and drooling. I like Joshua.
The guys seem to be getting tired of Tony and his random ramblings. Tony tells Kaitlyn that he is opening himself to Kaitlyn while keeping himself aware of the signs the universe presents. He thinks they have made a connection he has been craving…then goes on about a door with a combination and gold behind it.
JJ is a different person with Kaitlyn. He talks about his child, and kisses her. My dog actually growled when this happened. Even he doesn’t like him. JJ is VERY confident that he is getting the date rose.
Joe takes her outside…to make out.
Dang it…JJ did get those rose. He acts all “surprised” and “humble”, then like a total turd to the camera.
Okay…finally…Cocktail Party time!
Aaannnddd we have to deal with JJ. He won’t “let off the throttle”, and immediately takes her aside, even though he has a rose. The men confront him and let him know that wasn’t okay.
Ian gets time with her and shares his story, then kisses her.
Tony is getting really upset about some of the stuff going on, and says f*ck! (You guys, he said it, he really said that word!)
JJ is proud to be the “villain” and is laughing at them being offended. “Now I can hit the bar early.” Tony is really mad and isn’t enjoying the disrespect.
Kupah is feeling nervous about going home, and feels he doesn’t have a connection. His conversation with Kaitlyn goes on and on, and he kind of doesn’t make sense, and doesn’t make a great case for himself. He kind of just wouldn’t stop talking, and says some very odd things. (Like that he is dedicated to the process of being there. Umm…what?) She says that she just needs to think about it, and they end with a fist bump. (No, I’m not making this up.)
He heads out to the guys and talks, loudly, about their conversation. Kaitlyn hears, pulls him aside and tells him to go. He actually tells her that it’s “pretty sh*tty” and says that he isn’t leaving. Tells her that she is “hot” and “sexy”, and won’t go.
Yeah, he went…not quietly though. He is in front of the mansion getting angry and not speaking nicely to the cameramen and other workers of the show. Kaitlyn over hears this as well, and we’ll find out this coming Monday how this all ends.
We finish the episode joining back with Britt and Brady who have been having a great time together, and decide to date. So really, this is quite working out for her for not being picked to be the Bachelorette.
Good for you, Britt!